


your body next to mine is a kindness (i do not deserve)

by inkstainedknitter



Series: Renegades [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, BDSM, Bondage, Disabled Character, F/F, Female James T. Kirk, Non-Sexual Kink, Non-Sexual Submission, Physical Disability, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 10:02:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4217445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkstainedknitter/pseuds/inkstainedknitter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I can hear you thinking, kid.” Bones runs a hand through Jim’s hair, tugging at it just enough to keep her attention. “Do I need to tie you up to keep you still?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	your body next to mine is a kindness (i do not deserve)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [almostjehan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/almostjehan/gifts).



Jim misses kneeling. She misses the struggle to keep her body in perfect lines for Bones. She liked being able to just drop to her knees without worrying about the prosthetic or if she’d be able to walk the next day. It was easy and she didn’t need to think about it.  

Now, it’s harder to get where she needs to be. She sits in her underwear on the floor, good leg tucked under her and the other one resting on a pillow carefully placed on the floor, hands on her thighs. Her prosthetic is tucked under the bed, because Bones starts bitching if she kneels for too long in it. She knows she’s fidgeting, unable to settle. The floor is cold under her and she’s been staring at the same patch of wall for too fucking long. She shifts and Bones sighs in disappointment.   

“I can hear you thinking, kid.” Bones runs a hand through Jim’s hair, tugging at it just enough to keep her attention. “Do I need to tie you up to keep you still?”

Jim shakes her head vehemently but it’s a hollow protest. She loves to pretend she can be good without the ropes. They both know better. Bones’ hand vanish from her hair and Jim moves her hands behind her back. She’s pushing her luck by moving without permission. She doesn’t care.

“Green.” Jim says, almost hoping Bones punishes her for moving. She knows she’s too fidgety, too damaged, too much goddamn trouble --

Bones tangles her hands in Jim’s hair and tugs her head back sharply before pushing her forward until her forehead touches her knee. “I thought I told ya to stop.” She says softly, southern drawl coming out thick. “Now _stay_.” Jim closes her eyes. Bones has control and Jim doesn’t have to think about anything other than being good for her. She goes where Bones pushes her, folding her arms behind her back so that she’s grabbing her elbows. Relief spreads through her when Bones starts wrapping rope around her. The rope forces her to be good.

Bones moves away suddenly after the last knot has been tied. The scrape of a chair against the floor is jarring after the silence and Jim flinches. “Sit up.” Bones orders. Jim tries, but she’s been tied so that her legs are pressed against her chest and her arms are immobilized. It’s almost impossible for her to move. but there’s rope tethering her good leg close to the upper parts of her arms, and her legs together, making it almost impossible to move. There’s a brief moment of panic as she struggles, feeling the rope bite into her skin. Bones hasn’t told her she can open her eyes, and she can’t breathe, she can’t breathe, she can’t follow a simple order, she _can’t_.

Bones’ hands are on her shoulders pushing her up.  She can’t catch herself as she starts to fall, but strong hands keep her wobbling on her ass.  

“I thought I gave you an order.” Bones’ voice is low and dangerous in Jim’s ear as she lets go of her. Jim struggles to keep her balance. Shame builds at the pit of her stomach as Bones pushes her back onto her knee, face to the floor.

“It’s not that hard.” The scorn in Bones’ voice makes her want to cry, but it feels right. “Look at me and sit.” Jim opens her eyes. She looks at Bones’ feet. Looking Bones in the eyes feels like too much. Bones huffs in annoyance and leans down to tilt Jim’s head up, forcing her to look her in the eyes. It’s an uncomfortable angle, but Jim holds it. She knows she’s already pushing the limits of Bones’ patience.

Slowly, Jim curls her toes under her, pressing them against the floor. Straining against the ropes, she pushes herself a few inches off the ground before falling onto her legs again. Bones’ shoe tapping the floor makes her realise she’s lost position and she wants to curl up in frustration. She’s close to tears by the time she manages to push herself up onto her ass and everything aches. It’s a struggle to keep her eyes on Bones. It feels like she’s being stripped of everything and she hates it.

Bones is sitting on a chair a couple feet in front of Jim, scorn written all over her. She’s fully dressed and untouchable. When Jim finally sits up, she raises her feet to rest them on Jim’s shoulders. Her boots are heavy and the weight is grounding. Sneering, Bones overbalances Jim, sending her back on her knees. She holds Jim there with her feet as Jim struggles against her. She’s exhausted, but the order to sit hasn’t been cancelled and she _needs to_. Bones doesn’t let her, though. The more Jim struggles, the more pressure Bones puts on her. It feels like something’s settled into place and a dam breaks within Jim. She starts sobbing, breaking position to hide her face against the floor. Bones slowly lifts her feet off, sliding down from the chair to kneel by Jim.

“There you are.” Bones lifts her up enough to let Jim rest her head on Bones’ lap as she sobs, fingers curling and uncurling around nothing. Bones’ hands run through Jim’s hair and rub the back of her neck until the tears run out and she’s left feeling wrung out and shaky. She stays pressed against Bones, unwilling to move. Bones shifts enough that she can take off her shirt, tucking it around Jim. She rubs Jim’s hands and feet after she unties her, helping her move stiff limbs.  

“C’mon kid, my knees can’t take this.” Jim lets Bones pull her to her feet, leaning heavily on her as they slowly shuffle to the bed. Bones sets her down on the edge of the bed, and Jim sways slightly, but stays upright long enough to drink a cup of juice and let Bones run a damp washcloth over her face.

“I’ll get the worst in the morning with the regen unit.” Bones says, gentle fingers tracing rope marks. Jim shakes her head, drowsy and worn out.

“Leave ‘em. I like the way you feel.”

Smiling, Bones presses a kiss to the top of Jim's head. “Whatever you say, kid.” She mutters, curling up next to Jim. “Whatever you say.”

**Author's Note:**

> so i kinda have all the feelings about star trek aos and kink.  
> rough draft beta'd by andiamjae who is wonderful and then i took it and ran.


End file.
